Watashi wa~

Foto saya
sendai, neverland, Japan
Hmm... I'm a girl....I love bishounen for sure... and japanese thing... lil bit pervert... yahh... Thatz me... add my fb or twitter if you want to know me better

lyric lyric xD

Sabtu, 21 November 2009


Inih scan photobook na alice nine...


tp vee upload cm sebagian... gpp yawh~


btw... inih link buat piku untitled vandalism
telat nyak?? hhe... maap m(_ _)m

Rabu, 18 November 2009

Fanfic The gazette - Things goes wrong

Title : Thing goes wrong…
Author : Vee, a girl that always wants crying when realizes that her Pon would never be her lover.
Pair : Aoiki, Uruhaoi
Rate : PG

-Those simple half-joke words that came from your flimsy lips, (“Would you be my boyfriend?”), have been changed my dark sekai into this shining sekai. Thank you Ruki, for being person who understand me inside or outside.-

28 October 2009

Am I a baka?
Am I so stupid and undecided?
I don’t know how things could become like this…
At first I thought all of this stuff was just a funny game…
But, I don’t know how, suddenly I become so attach with that lil man…
He always able to calms me down when I get angry with my life, and also always cheers me up whenever I think this life is nothing more than a bad game.
I’m so inconsistent. I’m the one who reject Uru because I want him to ‘live a normal life like he should’.
How about my life? My life isn’t normal at all!!
I hate my self!!!
I hate you AOI!!
I hate you so much!!!!!
Why you always screw up things?
You are so stupid!! Stupid!! STUPID!!!
But, I can’t just brake up with that lil man…
I won’t punish my self again.
Not for the second time.

Talking about brake up…
I wonder how we will brake up.
Will it be a tearful moment?
Or he will just said, “This is getting boring, let’s end this relationship.”
I don’t know~ hha…

31 October 2009
Hmmmm… I just realize it’s been a LONG time since the last time I laugh together with everyone…
I miss them so much…

1 November 2009
My chest is burniiiiiiiiinggggg aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Ehem… After a century, TODAY Uruha came to my house again……
I’m crazy!!! He had to been Uru’s clone, right???

I was cooking something at my kitchen when he was arrived. (He JUST walked in to my house without even said “sumimasen~” =w= Maybe he thought my house was his place or something??)Then, He gave me his brilliant big smile and said, “AOI-SAN!! Long time no see!!! How are you?“
You know what I did?
I was freezing. There were TOO many things happen in my mind… My brain couldn’t catch up what he was said.
“Aoi-san?? Aoi?? Are you alright?” He asked me again.
Then the ice began to melt. My brain finally could understand what happening. ‘Uruha is here, He’s right here.’
“I’m… fine… I just… can’t understand why you here.”
“Hey~ It’s me~ Uruha~ Am I not welcome in your house??”
“Of course you are welcome here… I’m just bit shock…”
“Hahahahaha.. That’s normal~ it’s been a looooooong time ago since my LAST visit~ since…errr…. “
Since your confession. Since my rejection. Since our very first French kiss…
“Yeah~ It’s been a while… ummm…. Century I mean….”
“Hahahahaha, How’s life? Get a lover now?”
“Ohh.. It’s complicated I think… You know what Aoi?? I miss your PC… May I turn it on?”
“That’s so mean…. You miss the PC not the owner..”
“The PC is much more handsome than the owner. I love it~”
“Kidding~ Of course I miss you too.. Hahaha”
“Your laugh is kind a weird…”
“Ohhh~ is it? I think my smile and my laugh is pretty charming….”
“Hell yeah!!”
“So, May I use your PC?”
“Whatever…. I’ll continue my cook….”
Maybe, I was act like I careless about his visiting… But the fact was…. I was felt really nervous… I was sweating a lot and I couldn’t even concentrate on what I was cook. Heard his screamed *he DID screamed when he was playing game =.=* was made me thought “This must be dream…” . I mean it was like “Whoaaaa, I could hear him playing game annoyingly again!!”
When the food was ready I called him to eat together, and there was no way he would said NO. He loves my cook anyway… Hehehe I’m kind a proud of it…
Hmm…. There’s part from our conversation that make me feel really bad. When we talking about his gf..
“Ne Aoi, You know, I have a girlfriend now ….”
“Good for you.”
“Ohhh don’t say that!! You seem jealous if you say it!!”
“Oh let’s get over it. Errr… Of course I like her so much. She’s so smart, cute and nice. But, the thing is….”
“The thing is…”
“I….. Begin to compare her with you.”
“I begin to think that she’s not as mature as you do, she’s not as patient as you do, and she’s not gimme comfort feeling like you do. These things are drive me crazy. I can’t stand it. That’s why I come to visit you today.”
“Are you speechless Aoi? Can’t you give me solution? I really really really really NEED your wise word now…. Please…. I’m begging you…”
“So, your problem is…”
“I can’t stop loving you. THAT’S the MAJOR BIG problem.”
I opened my mouth few centimeters. ‘What the hell happen in this guy mind?’ That was the first thought cross in my mind when I heard him said it.
“Uru… I KNOW you are a very democratic person. But, really ne, I don’t think I’m ready with this kind of thing. Don’t you know that the words you just said could cause heart attack?”
“Errrr…. I’ve thought about that anyway…. But, come on, we both know how we feel. You and I have admitted it before. There is no way you can deny it now; I just want to know your opinion. Because, sometime your mind is produce weird idea.”
I couldn’t prevent my self to laugh. Produce weird idea he said??? Bwahahahaha
“Aiya!!! You have no right to laugh!!” Then he was pouting his lips. Aa.. So cute~
“Sorry, sorry, but… hahahahahaha produce weird idea?? What the hell are you thinking of me? Are you thinking that I’m a Buddha or psychic??”
“YEAH!! YOU ARE PSYCHIC!! Aa, Aoi… please be serious a lil bit…”
“Okay.. Okay.. But, can you please stop pouting your lips? It’s really tempting me… Hahahaha”
“Eheem.. So, it’s all about love, right?”
“I think so.”
“Love is weird feeling for someone. Its unthinking able, flexible and totally Un understand able. Like we doing here, we are an abnormal guy who loving each other but try our best to be a best friend without hurting each other. Humm… Love is blur Uruha… I love you, but I don’t think this my world is ONLY fill with you. There also my parents, my friends, my other band mates, etc”
“You know what Aoi, you look handsome when you talking about love.”
“Hey~ hey~ don’t cut my talk! So.. The point is… You love me so much.”
“That’s sound so selfish! Change the words!”
“But, from my point of view, you love me THAT much ne.”
“Not that much…”
“You get blushing…”
“Go ahead.”
“Hahahahaha you are so lovely… So, the point is… It’s up to you to love me as much as you want, but don’t fill your world only with me. I just human Uru.. I don’t deserve to be your everything.”
“That’s sound pretty impossible ne.”
“Because, from what I’ve experienced, When you loving someone so much, usually your mind is fulfill with that person only.”
“……..” I was thinking so hard…
“This is getting complicated. Can we just bring it free?? Can we back to the old days? When I came almost everyday to your house, talking about everything, sharing room, and said whatever we want to said? Actually, I’m tired with this love stuff. It’s eat up my precious energy for nothing, ne..”
“Hmm… I like our innocence days.. We don’t really think about this damned stuff, right?”
“Yeaaah~ all we think is ‘We like it and we happy with it’ damn bull shit with relationship stuff. It just unimportant social status that judge are you normal or not.”
“I like your conclusion!!! That’s really smart!”
“As long as we stay straight in right norm I think it’s perfectly fine if we were together, right?”
“Right, stay straight!! But Uru, I’m not really single right now…”
“You what?”
“It’s just a joke. But, yes, I’m in relationship.”
“Relationship is not a joke Aoi.”
“But, it’s really a joke; I do it just for fun.”
“Who is this person?”
For the God sake, why that question had to been came out from his mouth??
“Tell me! I’ve told you everything, at last gimme a name.”
“Believe me; you really don’t want to know. It just jokes anyway. So, you don’t need to think it so serious.”
“Even though it JUST a joke, at last this person ever touch you, right? This person has kissed your cheek, right? This person has said that she loves you, right?”
“Calm down Uru… calm down…”
“Okay…*sigh* gimme her name.”
I wish I NEVER gave him ‘his’ name. Oh GOSH!! I never thought he would become so aggressive.
After a deeeeep sigh, ‘his’ name *that lil man name I mean* was came out slowly from my mouth. I wish I was never said it…
“Aa…. It’s Ruki…” I was so embarrassed. OH GOSH!!!OH GOSH!!! OH GOSH!!! I’M SO FUCKING STUPID!!!!!!! BAKA AOI!! BAKA!!!
“…………….For the God sake Aoi, Am I just hear Ruki’s name? Am I?”
“I’ve told you!! You don’t want to know Uruha…”
“Right!! NOW, this is different case. I’m leaving!”
“But, Uru…”
“Fuck you.”

Then… He just left….
I’m so stupid. But, of course I’m not gonna blame everything to that lil man. He’s innocence. I’m the ONLY one who deserve to blame.

TELL ME!!!!!!!!!!

2 November 2009

I love that lil man so much. Very fucking much. He’s better than my father or my brother. He’s the BEST family I ever have. OH MAN… I LOVE YOU!!!
Hmm…. Thinking back again… my note becomes SO ABSURD recently…
I’m not love him as ‘man’ you know… I love him as…. What should I say? I just love him… very much.
I never deal with this kind of feeling…
Hmmm…. This is best best best best friend love feeling I think…

I’m so sorry if you get confused here.. *may I talking with you as you are a human? I can be crazy if I’m not spill up this thing!* Yesterday I was telling you that I love Uruha so much, and now, I’m talking about that lil man. Hmm.. Actually, I’m still thinking about Uruha…. He always be my love anyway and now, he’s angry with me… Ahhh… That make me feel very sad… and then, that lil cute man.. *I almost forget his name* Okay… I’ll call him properly, Ruki… *Hmmmm…Ruki sound awkward, I think lil man is better* Lil man is my everything. He is my brother, my father, my mother and for sure my best friend forever. No ONE could replace his place in heart. He has special place in my heart. He is the only person who could make me show me emotion, my sad, my angry, my softness and my deepest feeling. He is the best man ever..

This afternoon, he came into my door.
“What the hell is this mean?” He said when he was showing an e-mail at his ketai.
“Oh my…” I was taken by surprise when I was reading the e-mail. It was a rude e-mail from Uruha.
“I sound like a bitch in this e-mail. HEY AOI!!! You know I’m not a bitch!! I’m not gonna eat something that NOT belong to me!!! Everyone could say everything they want about me! But NOT BITCH!! I don’t even fucking care if this e-mail is came from unknown person. BUT THIS E-MAIL IS COME FROM MY FRIEND!!! MY FRIEND AOI!! What the hell happen? Tell me! I think I’m deserved to know!!”
“I’m so sorry dear, but this is totally not your fault. This is my fault, and of course you aren’t a bitch.”
“But, how could someone like Uru send me such a rude email? We are a really good friend!! I can’t believe it, Aoi… It doesn’t make sense!!”
“It’s complicated…”
“What’s that mean?”
“Last night, Uru came here, and we talking and talking and talking until we made decision not to think about love anymore. Then, I told him that now I’m with you. That’s the fact, right? Suddenly he became so angry and just walked out of my door. That’s the story.”
“Oh right. Now, I know why I sound like a bitch in that e-mail. I’m playing role as disturber, right?”
“Calm down. Why everyone shout so loud to me? I’m not deaf.”
“Okay, I’m sorry. Hmm.. I think I just make thing become worse.”
“Yeah… Help me lil man… I’m confused…”
“Hey…. Come on Aoi-chan.. Don’t show me that depress face. It’s really annoying,ne”
“I want to cry…”
He was rubbing my hair softly. He was put lil bit effort to do it. You know… He’s err.. bit…. short…
“Here…here… You can handle it. I’m so sure you can do it. Because you are my only girl.”
“I’m not a girl.”
“For me you are a girl. My only beloved pretty girl.”
“Oh shut up.”
For unknown reason my tears just drip so easily. I was felt so weak and fragile. I never felt that useless before. That lil man automatically leaned me on his shoulder. Immediately, I was felt his warmth spread into my body. It was gave me a great peaceful feeling.
“You are such a lil baby girl who always needs hug from her mother.”
“Hmmm? It’s okay… She really loves her mother hug. She loves her mother very much.”
“I think… Her mother is also loves her lil baby girl as well. She’s really pretty you know?”
“I love you lil man… I mean it.”
“You are annoying Aoi-chan, I mean it.”
Then he let go of me and wipe my cheek with his back hand.
“You are a big girl, now. And big girl don’t cry.”
“Isn’t it song lyrics?”
“Whatever. But, notice it. A big girl doesn’t cry.”
“Yes mom.”
“No matter what happen, you must believe you can face it.”
He reached my wrist and pulled me into my sofa. He sat down and told me to do so. He took a deep breath, and then started looked direct into my eyes. I know he would have something which very important to told.
“Aoi-chan… This is so hard.. But… Let’s call this an end.”
“We both know, we build this relationship because we think it would be fun. But, as the time goes by, I think we are sinking too deep into our own game.”
“Are we?”
“Yes, we are, dear. Beside, I don’t want to be a wall between you and Uru…”
“You aren’t Ruki!!!”
“I know my own position, dear. I know it.”
There a long silence then. Half part of me glad he let go of me. Half part of me so afraid of losing his figure.
“When… when we brake up, can I still call you dear? Can I still come to your house and lay my head on your thigh?”
“You will always be my lil girl. Nothing gonna change it. The only thing gonna change is our status. That’s it.”
Then, silence again. My heart said that moment had to been happen, soon or later. It just in case that moment was happened at that time.
“Hug me…” I asked him.
Without said a word he hug my tightly. An usual warm hug that he always gave to me.
At that time, I told to my self: I will never regret I ever call you my lover, lil man.